A Year of No Fear

Thoughts and Opinions

Year of No Fear

You all knew it was coming. Now that the move has settled down, I’ve had a bit of time to make my list of goals to complete before I turn 25 this time next year. Given the 50/50 success of last year’s goal, I’ve decided to be a bit more general this year to allow for flexibility. I have a private list of 24 specific things I hope to do. I’ll update you all as I progress with those, but here I’ll stick to the general themes:

Always Give My All 

Do or Do Not. There is no try.

I’m not a perfectionist, but if I can’t give something my best, I don’t see the point in doing it. Someone told me recently that I’m a researcher at heart, meaning I seek answers: about myself, those around me, anything and everything that captures my attention. This rings true. I love being a student. I always have. And I’ve always loved the challenge of learning new things, taking on new skills, and having a marked measurement of success in those goals. I’m a straight-A girl and I’d like to keep that record going through graduate school, although I know it might prove tremendously hard. The reason for that is not bragging rights or to put a report card on my fridge. It’s because if it matters to me, it matters enough to do it right. It took me three years to find the right program and an MFA in Creative Writing has been a consistent dream of mine the last few years. Going to school again is also going to empty out a large portion of my bank account, so you better believe aside from loved ones and my job, school is going to be my #1 priority. It’s my first love, after all.

Care for My Health 

Luminous beings are we.

Yeah, I know I won’t likely get a 365 day streak with this one, but the real goal here is consistency. It took me several years to recover my health this far, meaning it is one of the most precious things in my life and I do not ever want to take it for granted. But in the stress of work, school, errands, and the day-to-day, I find myself being far too stationary. Yoga is my favorite form of exercise, but I believe that alternating the sorts of activities I do will help me to stay invested and interested.

I don’t plan to keep a strict schedule, just listen to my body. If my muscles ache from a long hike, stretches are probably the better choice that day. I am strongly considering joining the YMCA or another nearby gym. If there’s one thing that motivates me, it’s putting my hard-earned money behind something. I’ll get off my butt and go to a class if I know it cost me half an hour of work. Also, while I am no big fan of constantly streaming my life via social media (probably because I do social media management as part of my job all day for other people),  I think it’s a good motivator and will help apply some peer pressure to keep me accountable. One idea I like is to take a photo of an object, a scene encountered during a walk, or anything like that to post to Instagram, helping keep track of the goal without flooding the feed with pictures of tennis shoes and fruit smoothies.

Also of equal importance to me is my mental health. I recently suffered a panic attack for the first time in a long time. I have anxiety due to a combination of genetic predisposition and trauma, but I have never allowed a condition- whether PCOS or any other acronym- to control me. I control it. So however many counseling sessions, self-help books, and Jedi training retreats I need, I will do what it takes to kick this thing’s butt. Which brings us to the last and biggest theme…

Do Not Fear 

Do not fear.

I’m at a point now where I am over fearing rejection, judgement, failure, mistakes, or risk. You can’t prevent those things no matter what you do. I refuse to let schoolyard bullies, bad memories, or worry hold me back from being the best version of myself. I felt I was doing a good job of this last year, up until a point where certain changes and new situations in my life unearthed insecurities I didn’t know I had or that thought I were over. Part of the reason I can and will put those fears behind me is that I know I have a solid support system, my safety net, if I do fall. During my past health issues, I felt very much alone. Very few people knew what was happening to me, and none of them could understand it. But I’m not alone anymore. I have a group of amazing friends that know almost everything about me, good and bad, and bring out the best in me. And when I’m not my best, they love me enough to help me, but not to leave me in that hole. They push me to do more, be more, love more. They make me want to be a better person each day, not just for myself, but so I can be the friend they deserve in return. My family has always stuck by me, through surgeries, sleepless nights, and more. I love them for that, but they also worry a lot about me because of it. When I’m feeling down, it’s too easy for me to also give in to that worry. We are working on that, but it’s ultimately up to me to believe in myself and go for what I want. When I look back, I know I’ve come too far to let fear hold me back now.

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